50 Biggest Relationship Turn-Offs & Icks for Men & Women

Men and women are completely different most of the time, but we’re surprisingly similar when it comes to what turns us off in a relationship. Knowing what a potential or current partner might find off-putting in your romantic relationship can help strengthen your bond and help you avoid turning off your partner.

We’ve all had the ick before. And once you notice the things that give you the ick, there’s no going back. Those little mannerisms or behaviours they display can become really grating. But it’s not just the little things that can become annoying – there are bigger things at play that can put you off right from the get-go.

We’ve pulled together an extensive list of universal turn-offs and icks in a relationship to help you know what you should – and shouldn’t – be doing in a romantic relationship or even, honestly, just a friendship.

50 Major Turn-Offs in a Relationship for Men & Women

Using research from our dating app users, we’ve compiled a list of the most common and biggest turn-offs for men and women when they’re dating or in a relationship. Use this list to make sure you’re on top of your game for your next date.

#1 Lack of Communication

Communication forms the backbone of any successful relationship. A lack of it often leads to misunderstandings, feelings of neglect, and resentment.

Without effective dialogue, it’s challenging to comprehend your partner’s needs, desires, or concerns, eroding trust and intimacy over time. This huge turn-off, therefore, renders a relationship unfulfilling and less satisfying.

#2 Dishonesty

Dishonesty breeds mistrust, a fatal flaw in any relationship. Lies, no matter how small or well-intended, can create suspicion and doubt, even about truths.

This can destroy the foundation of trust, respect, and intimacy, which are key to healthy relationships, making dishonesty a significant turn-off for both men and women.

#3 Disrespect

Disrespect is a considerable deterrent in relationships for anyone. It takes the form of dismissive attitudes, condescending remarks or disregarding boundaries.

Such behaviour can destroy a person’s sense of worth and mutual respect, fundamental pillars of a healthy relationship, leading to dissatisfaction and a potential breakup.

#4 Selfishness

Selfishness is one of the major turn-offs for both men and women. Being focused on yourself and your needs more than the needs of your partner doesn’t bode well for a strong, stable, and loving relationship. 

Of course, this is different from taking time to yourself from time to time or needing some space to work on yourself – selfishness is more about dismissing your opinions and feelings. Like you only do things they want to do or go places they want to go.

This trait can be a deal breaker for many partners who are looking for support and affection in their relationship. After all, it takes two to tango!

#5 Dependency

The counterargument to being too selfish in a relationship is being too dependent. Adult men and women looking for a partner are, more often than not, looking for an equal where they can support and be supported in equal measure.

This isn’t possible when one partner is overly dependent on the other for emotional or financial support and, as such, can be a big turn-off. Nobody wants to mother their partner.

#6 Lack of Ambition

One of the major relationship turn-offs is a lack of ambition. People generally want their lives to go somewhere or have a specific destination or goal in mind. When a partner is lacking in ambition and has no desire to improve themselves, it’s easy to lose interest.

Be clear about your goals and aspirations, even if they aren’t materialising yet, and your partner can help support you and get you closer.

#7 Controlling Behaviour

Controlling behaviour is a huge turn-off when it comes to romantic relationships for both men and women. Even slightly controlling behaviours can quickly turn into emotional abuse, which is a real problem.

If you display controlling behaviours, we recommend seeking advice from a therapist to help you get these behaviours under control.

#8 Jealousy

Jealousy and controlling behaviour often go hand in hand. Your feelings of jealousy can lead to you wanting to control what your partner does and who they see. No adult wants to be controlled or have to deal with jealous behaviour.

We recommend getting help for low self-esteem, which can often lead to feelings of jealousy and related behaviours.

#9 Lack of Empathy

Relationships are all about the emotionally strong connection you share with your partner, and an important part of that is having empathy for them when they’re going through a tough time.

That’s why one of the biggest turn-offs in a relationship is a lack of empathy. If you can’t feel for your partner, the connection won’t be strong enough to survive life’s ups and downs. You’re supposed to act as the rock for your partner.  

#10 Being Unreliable 

Reliability is crucial in relationships, and inconsistency breeds frustration and doubt. If a partner is unreliable, it can lead to feelings of insecurity and instability in the relationship. This might include constantly turning up late to plans, rearranging dates, or not turning up at all.

This lack of trustworthiness can undermine the connection, potentially damaging the relationship’s future. Hence, unreliability is a huge turn-off. It’s also just plain irritating.

#11 Poor Personal Hygiene

Poor hygiene is a major relationship deterrent for both men and women. It reflects self-care and respect for others. Bad breath, for instance, is not only gross but also might even indicate oral health issues. And nobody wants to be kissing a partner with poor dental hygiene. 

Same goes for regularly washing, smelling good, and eating well. It’s attractive if you take care of yourself! It’s not so attractive if you don’t.

#12 Being Negative

Being overly negative can be a significant turn-off in a relationship. Consistent negativity can drain the joy and positivity out of interactions, creating a pessimistic environment that’s hard to thrive in.

Also, it can foster feelings of stress and discontent, affecting the bond in the relationship over time. It’s crucial to address issues constructively, maintaining an overall positive outlook to foster a healthy, happy relationship.

On the flip side, if you think your constant negativity is more deep-rooted, talk to someone about it – there may be more going on there.

#13 Being Closed Minded

Being closed-minded is a substantial deterrent in relationships. This attitude restricts personal growth and hinders the ability to understand and accept your partner’s perspectives, ideas, and experiences that may differ from your own.

It may lead to frequent arguments, reduced emotional connection, and a lack of mutual respect, making the relationship feel less fulfilling.

#14 Having a Bad Temper

For both men and women, having a bad temper is one of the biggest relationship turn-offs. Not only is a bad temper a hindrance to effective communication, but it can also be a scary situation to have your partner likely to fly off the handle at a moment’s notice.

Being able to keep your temper under control is essential when it comes to nurturing any kind of relationship. And if you really can’t keep a grip on your anger, you should speak to someone about that, too.

#15 Trust Issues

Trust issues can significantly hinder a relationship’s growth, leading to suspicion and insecurity. This lack of trust undermines the bond between partners, causing a constant need for reassurance and fostering a tense, unstable environment.

It becomes a big turn-off when the relationship lacks the necessary ease and comfort due to ongoing doubts and fears.

#16 Being Unwilling or Unable to Compromise

Successful adult relationships are all about compromise. Without it, neither partner will feel valued or heard in the relationship. It’s essential to find a middle ground that both parties can be happy with and compromise when necessary.

When one partner is unwilling or unable to do this, it can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration, making it a big turn-off for both men and women.

#17 Being Inconsistent

Although we’re all human, and we make mistakes or slip from time to time, it’s important to be as consistent as possible in our relationships. Not being consistent is a huge turn-off for both men and women, as it can make you seem unpredictable and unreliable.

Try to communicate clearly with your partner about any changes in behaviour or schedule to avoid any misunderstandings.

#18 Not Being Appreciative

Not being appreciative of your partner and everything they do for you can quickly become a major turn-off in a relationship. Everyone wants to feel valued and acknowledged, and if you continuously overlook or take your partner’s efforts for granted, they may begin to feel unappreciated and unnoticed.

#19 Being Too Critical

Some criticism in a relationship is to be expected, especially when it’s a new relationship, and you’re still getting to know each other. However, excessive criticism can be detrimental to a relationship and become a major turn-off for both men and women. Nobody wants to be evaluated like they’re back at school.

Constantly talking about flaws or nitpicking at your partner’s behaviour can wear down their self-esteem and create an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship.

#20 Not Paying Enough Attention

The beauty of being in a relationship with someone is having someone you’re closer to than anyone else. Someone who gives you attention when you really need it. If you don’t pay attention to your partner, they can begin to feel neglected and undervalued, creating a significant turn-off in the relationship.

Make sure to show your partner that you care by actively listening, being present, and asking questions.

#21 Not Respecting Personal Space

Having someone to be close to and cuddle with is one of the most attractive parts of being in a relationship. But that doesn’t mean that you can disrespect their personal space.

It’s good to have healthy boundaries around when you can be close and when you should respect your partner’s personal space. If your partner feels suffocated or crowded, it can quickly become a major turn-off.

And keep the PDA to a respectable level.

#22 Being Self-Absorbed

It’s good to know what you need when you’re in a relationship. However, being totally ignorant of the needs of your partner and being entirely self-absorbed isn’t a good look.

When you’re too self-focused, it’s easy to miss the cues and gestures your partner is making towards you. In turn, they might feel ignored or that their needs are not being met, leading to a lack of intimacy and potential turn-off.

#23 Having Materialistic Behaviours

This can be a difficult one to gauge, but it’s possible for overly materialistic behaviours to be a turn-off for many men and women. It’s a common stereotype that women love shopping and materialistic things, but this isn’t necessarily true, and materialism can become a major turn-off if it’s taken too far.

#24 Showing Addictive Behaviours

Being an active addict or showing addictive behaviours can be a considerable turn-off for both men and women. Addictive behaviours can lead to financial instability, emotional neglect, and a lack of connection that’s necessary for healthy relationships.

If you struggle with addiction, you should seek help before getting into a relationship.

#25 Bringing Unresolved Baggage

We all have a past, especially as we work towards finding the one. But that doesn’t mean we should be bringing all our baggage to a relationship. Having baggage in a relationship can make it difficult to move forward and build healthy connections with your partner.

It’s important to work through unresolved issues before getting into a serious relationship, as bringing them in can quickly become a turn-off.

#26 Being Incompatible When it Comes to Intimacy

Sex and intimacy aren’t the be-all and end-all of a relationship, but it’s naive to think that they don’t make up an important aspect of a relationship. If you’re incompatible sexually, the relationship isn’t likely to work.

This often isn’t something that’s your fault; it’s just the way it goes sometimes. You should never force yourself to do something sexually that you’re not comfortable with.

#27 Having a Lack of Maturity

Being fun and goofy can be an attractive quality in a partner at the beginning. However, if there’s no substance or maturity to accompany the jokes and fun, it can quickly become a turn-off for both men and women.

Adults like to know that their relationship is strong and going somewhere. That doesn’t mesh well with acting immature.

#28 Poor Financial Management

Having a poor grasp on your finances is a major turn-off for most adults. Of course, there are always extraneous circumstances that can explain a temporarily tight financial spot, but being consistently irresponsible with money can lead to a lot of problems down the line.

It’s important to be open and honest about your financial situation in a relationship and work together on finding solutions if necessary.

#29 Excessive Social Media Use

This is a fairly new addition to this list. Using social media excessively, especially when you’re spending time together, can be a massive turn-off for a lot of people. Whether you’re just endlessly scrolling or you’re trying to coerce your partner into doing the latest TikTok trend with you, it’s a major turn-off and just plain bad manners.

#30 Inconsistent Effort in the Relationship

Being inconsistent in the effort you put into the relationship can be such a turn-off. It can make your partner feel like they’re not as important to you or that they don’t matter enough for you to put in the effort consistently.

Relationships take work, and if one person isn’t pulling their weight, it’s not going to be a successful long-term partnership.

#31 Signs of Insecurity

We all have things we’re not happy about or confident in when it comes to our looks or personality. However, insecurity can be a massive turn-off for many people.

We’re not talking about having a few body hang-ups. We’re talking about allowing your insecurity to police your partner’s behaviour or constantly positioning yourself as a victim of your insecurities.

#32 A History of Unfaithfulness

This can be a difficult one to come to terms with. Having a history of unfaithfulness is often a huge turn-off for both men and women.

Although being open and honest about your past is a sign that you’ve grown and changed, it can sow the seeds of doubt for your partner and make them question your loyalty to them or any relationship.

#33 Invading Privacy

There’s a romantic notion that partners shouldn’t have any secrets from each other, but this rarely works in reality. It’s normal for people to have things they want to keep private, especially at the start of a relationship.

If you constantly overstep boundaries and invade their privacy, they’re going to get turned off pretty quickly.

#34 Lack of Personal Growth

One of the big turn-offs both men and women have is a lack of personal growth in a partner. 

People change, and it’s important to grow together in a relationship. However, if one partner is stagnant and shows no signs of personal growth or development, it can be a significant deterrent for the other.

#35 Lack of Fun and Adventure

Having an appetite for fun and adventure is one of the biggest turn-ons at the start of a relationship. This means that a lack of fun and adventure is likely to put people off. The start of a relationship is naturally exciting and new, but you need a sense of adventure to keep things interesting in the long run.

#36 Being Emotionally Unavailable

The whole point of being in a relationship with someone is to have someone who’s there for you emotionally as well as physically. When you’re emotionally unavailable, it can be a huge turn-off for your partner, as they’re not getting the support and emotional connection that’s necessary for a healthy relationship.

#37 Being Overly Competitive

Having a competitive streak can be a great thing, especially when it comes to securing the initial attention of your partner. However, being overly competitive in a relationship can lead to constant power struggles and feelings of resentment.

Instead, try to focus on teamwork and building each other up rather than tearing each other down in competition.

#38 Being Passive Aggressive

Conflicts and disagreements are always going to crop up in relationships. If you’re passive-aggressive in your attempts to deal with these disagreements, it’s not going to lead to a healthy, happy relationship.

Nothing turns a partner off quicker than being given the silent treatment over minuscule things.

#39 Showing Manipulative Behaviours

It goes without saying that being manipulative will be a major turn-off for your partner. Twisting reality to suit your needs or making them feel stupid to get your own way can make a relationship turn sour very quickly.

#40 Having Overbearing Family or Friends

Sometimes, the turn-off isn’t technically your fault. Having overbearing family members or friends can really put off a prospective partner.

Of course, you can’t change who your family is, but it’s important to set firm boundaries to protect your partner if you want the relationship to work.

#41 Lack of Commitment to the Relationship

Showing a lack of commitment to the relationship is a sure fire way to turn off your partner. Whether you’re not paying attention to them or you’re not spending quality time together, your partner isn’t going to stick around if you’re not fully in it with them.

#42 Disregard for Feelings and Interests

Another obvious turn-off for men and women is a disregard for their feelings and interests.

When you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re expected to take an interest in their thoughts, feelings, and interests and support them where necessary. If you can’t provide that, they’ll find someone who can.

#43 An Overall Lack of Passion

What is a relationship without passion? Obviously, you don’t have to be tearing each other’s clothes off the minute you get through the door, but keeping passion alive in your relationship is essential.

If you show no passion or desire towards your partner, they’re going to get turned off fast.

#44 No Acknowledging or Owning Up to Mistakes

Mistakes are often made in relationships. These can be worked through or moved past when you own up to them. However, if you can’t acknowledge or own up to your mistakes, your partner isn’t going to feel respected, and it’ll be a huge turn-off.

#45 Poor Conflict Resolution Skills

In the same way that mistakes happen, conflict also happens in most relationships. If your conflict resolution skills aren’t great, this can lead to a lot of extra stress and tension in the relationship.

Being unable to resolve a minor conflict is going to massively turn off both men and women in a relationship.

#46 Being Indecisive

Whether it’s deciding what to eat or where to spend Christmas, being indecisive is a major turn-off for both everyone. 

It suggests that you’re not confident in your own decisions and can lead to your partner feeling like they constantly have to make all the choices in the relationship.

#47 Being Rude to Your Partner or Other People

Being rude is a major turn-off for most people, regardless of whether they’re in a relationship with you or not. This is something that can turn off a prospective partner early into the relationship if you’re rude to service staff on your first date.

#48 Talking Too Much

While it’s great to be open and share information about yourself, especially on a first date, if you end up talking too much, it can be a huge relationship turn-off. 

It’s important to pause and listen to your partner in a relationship, not just monologue about yourself.

#49 Talking About Your Ex

As we said before, we’ve all got a past, but it’s best to leave it there. If you’re constantly talking about your ex, it’s going to be a major turn-off for your partner.

It suggests that you haven’t moved on or that your ex is still a significant presence in your life.

#50 Bringing Too Much Drama

For the most part, both men and women just want a peaceful, happy life that they can get on with easily. This means bringing drama to a relationship is a big no-no.

Not only does bringing a lot of drama to a relationship cause stress and anxiety, but it also screams immaturity, which will put a lot of people off.

Why You Should Know What Turns Off a Partner

Understanding what might turn off a partner is vital for many reasons, such as:

• Fosters Mutual Respect: Understanding what may turn off your partner shows a level of respect and consideration. You are acknowledging their needs and feelings, demonstrating that you value them as an individual.
• Reduces Conflict: Being aware of your partner’s dislikes can help to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings and tensions. You can prevent disputes before they occur, promoting a more peaceful relationship.
• Strengthens Trust: By considering and avoiding your partner’s turn-offs, you show that you care about their comfort and happiness. This can help to reinforce trust and openness within the relationship.
• Enhances Communication: Knowing what turns off your partner can provide a platform for dialogue. Discussing these issues helps create a safe space where both parties feel heard and validated, enhancing overall communication.
• Improves Relationship Satisfaction: Being aware of what your partner dislikes and making necessary adjustments can enhance the overall quality of your relationship. It can lead to increased satisfaction and longevity in the relationship.

Find Your Perfect Match With Finding The One

Avoiding these relationship pitfalls will pave the way for a fruitful, long-lasting connection. Now that you’re equipped with the knowledge of what to avoid, why not put it to the test?

Join us at Finding The One and embark on a journey to discover your perfect match. Don’t let love wait any longer. Sign up today.

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