Being ghosted is everyone’s greatest fear when hitting the dating scene. Not only is it disappointing generally, but it can be really tough on your mental health.
Those who have been ghosted almost always lack genuine reason and good explanation.
We’re here to discuss all things ghosting with you.
It’s always important to focus on facts. This was not your fault, and has absolutely nothing to do with you.
You also might find yourself in the sticky situation of someone who ghosted you getting back into contact. We’re going to give you pointers on how to respond to a guy that ghosted you and when it might be ok to engage with them again.
It’s understandable that you may have strong feelings you want to express, but you have to make sure you put yourself first.
Read on for tips and tricks on how to move on after being ghosted and come out as the bigger person.
Guy Ghosts: What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is the act of completely disappearing out of someone’s life without warning or explanation. It can be done through text message, email, call, or even in person.
It could be as simple as not responding to somebody’s message or avoiding them when you see them around in public places; all these are prime examples of being ghosted.
It’s as though the person has disappeared into thin air.
Ghosting is incredibly harmful and can leave the person you have ghosted questioning themselves. Being incredibly interested in a new person is one of the most exciting feelings. It’s fresh and new, and there are so many possibilities.
Being ghosted means these possibilities are thrown out the window. The person you’re starting to grow feelings for becomes radio silent. Phone calls are missed and texts go unread.
It’s confusing and unfamiliar territory for most. So it is important to understand what can cause this sudden halt in relationship progress.
A Ghoster’s Psyche: Why Does It Happen?
Ghosting doesn’t just happen overnight; it’s the result of a number of factors that could be going on in the ghoster’s head.
The person who ghosts you is likely struggling with something internally and has chosen to take an easy way out by simply disappearing from your life.
It could be due to fear, anxiety, or even depression. It could be because the person was simply not that into you and didn’t know how to say it. Whatever the reason is, it’s important to remember that this isn’t a reflection of your worth as an individual.
However, giving the benefit of the doubt could be dangerous. They could be serial ghosters, who have got what they needed from you and disappeared into the darkness. These types of ghosters will not consider another person’s feelings.
It’s important to take a step back and realise that ghosting isn’t the answer to any of your problems. It can be difficult to let someone down, but if you are considering dropping somebody out of the blue, you must take a step back and consider the harmful effects.
Should You Reach Out?
When someone ghosts you, it can be really difficult to know if and when you should reach out. It’s completely understandable that you would want to confront the ghoster or have a chance at closure.
However, if they ghosted you once, it is highly likely that they will do it again. Unless you are willing to risk more upset and heartache, a relationship expert would recommend you leave this person well alone (for good).
That being said, you won’t know if they have changed their mind until you ask. If you do choose to reach out, make sure that your approach is calm and reasonable. Ask them directly what happened and why they chose to ghost instead of talking it through with you.
It’s important not to come off as angry or give them any reason to retreat again.
Holding the upper hand comes from being the bigger and better person. There is no real good excuse for being ghosted, but some personal events may make it more understandable.
Contacting someone who ghosted you may provide you with the clear message you’ve been missing. But a relationship coach would suggest not letting this person back into your life. Reaching out to the person who has ghosted you should be solely for the purpose of closure, not for new possibilities.
If you’re looking for new possibilities, offering yourself time to heal is the best way forward. Then, leaving your ghoster in the past will allow you to move forward on a new dating site, finding someone more compatible who won’t play around with your feelings.
Avoid Double Texting
If you’ve decided that reaching out is the way forward to gain some closure, it is important to remember that it is OK to leave some stones unturned.
If the person who ghosted you replies to your message, it’s totally up to you if you want to continue talking. If they choose not to reply or give any explanation, then it is time for you to move on.
If they have lost interest in you, remind yourself that this is only a reflection on them. You don’t need their attempt at offering excuses, or possible attacks on your personality. Ghosting is bad behaviour that only reflects that of the person who has ghosted you.
It can be tempting to keep messaging them, but double texting is never a good idea. It will offer a huge ego boost to your ghoster and leave you with more unanswered questions.
Practical Tips For Moving On After Being Ghosted.
So, you’ve been ghosted, you’ve got in touch to check they are OK, and you may have even double texted… Still nothing. How do you move on from this?
1) Remember Why It Happened
It is important to focus on the facts when it comes to being ghosted. Remember that you are worthy of someone who won’t disappear without explanation and that this had nothing to do with you or your worth.
Ghosting is not normal behaviour. Someone who ghosted you is not likely to feel guilty. Remembering there is something wrong with them, for whatever reason, is vital in healing and reminding yourself there is nothing wrong with you.
2) Focus On You
Now is the time to focus on yourself. Do something that makes you feel good and beneficial. Whether it’s picking up a new hobby or using this as an opportunity to improve self-care habits.
It can be really easy to slip into a negative spiral when being ghosted, so fill your life with positive activities and people.
There is a huge possibility you are allowing things to run over and over in your head. Distraction is beneficial when focusing on yourself.
3) Don’t Close Yourself Off
Wondering why your ghoster is no longer interested can hamper your progress in entering into a new relationship. It can be hard to trust someone new and not make comparisons between them and your ghoster. You may still be hung up on the feelings you shared with your ghoster before things went blank.
Carrying these thoughts and feelings forward will only limit your personal progress. It can take a toll on far more than just your love life. Allowing these thoughts to consume you can really negatively impact your mental health and bleed into other areas of your life.
Take the time to go back to our second point. Focus on yourself and allow for feelings to be left in the past.
Read our blog on 8 Tips For How To Get Over Someone You Never Dated to put yourself in the best position for progressing and finding the one.
4) Bringing This Experience Into The Future
It is important to remember that being ghosted has happened and it can happen again. Detecting and understanding some of the red flags shown before you were ghosted can save you from falling into a pattern.
Avoiding and calling out ghosters before the event can be empowering. Moving on with experience can be a great way to boost your confidence and become the best version of yourself, helping you to find your perfect match down the line.
5 Responses For Ghosters Who Come Running Back.
You may have left it at the unread message. You may have gone back to send more and still got nothing.
Then, one day, very much out of the blue, your ghoster comes back. They claim it wasn’t a big deal. Or that they feel so guilty and want a second chance.
There are a few good options to respond to the ones who came running back. They all focus on acting like you’re not interested anymore. You’ve moved on. You are the bigger person, and you do not need this person in your life romantically.
1) Thanks, But No Thanks
This is one of the most basic and to-the-point ways to handle a returning ghoster.
Simply reply saying something like: “Thanks for your message. I’ve moved on and wish you all the best”. This message does not beat around the bush. It puts you in the light of someone who is confident, happy and unaffected by your ghoster’s actions.
You may be reluctant to act completely nonchalant, wishing to get across your important feelings. But, believe us when we say this will hit a nerve with your ghoster and stop them in their tracks, making them think twice about their actions.
2) Things Are Going Great For Me…
This response is great for those of you who have been working hard on yourself, improving in all aspects of life.
Let your ghoster know how well you’re doing. Importantly, don’t ask about them. They ditched you, and you don’t care what they’ve been up to since.
Knowing you’ve been thriving will stop them in their tracks. Knowing you’re doing so well and not thinking about them will leave them with more questions than they left you, without you having to feel guilty or in the wrong.
3) Change The Number
This might be necessary if someone who ghosted you has come back into contact and done a complete 180. They can’t leave you alone and it’s actually starting to become a problem.
Constant pressuring for messages is unhealthy and can negatively impact your day-to-day. Changing your phone number is not the conclusion you wanted to get to, but sometimes it is the best way forward for a fresh start.
4) Tell Them How Their Actions Affect You
Maybe you can’t move on without closure.
If you’re somebody who needs to get things off their chest, you may want to tell your ghoster exactly how their actions made you feel.
This approach is totally fine and an acceptable method for moving on. However, it is important to relay this information to your ghoster without expectation of response.
The idea for this is to be heard, but their reformation is not your concern or business any longer.
So, be strong, be heard and need nothing back. Heal on your own terms.
5) “Do You Need Help With Anything?”
This may sound like a strange response, but sometimes people ghost out of fear or emotion. You don’t have to agree with their behaviour, but offering help to them can help you to understand the matter without feeling bad you hadn’t checked in on them.
What’s more, it reinforces the idea that you do not need this person. You’re offering help and showing concern with platonic interest and are showing how far you have come in moving forward.
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How To Respond To A Guy That Ghosted You?
Maintain confidence, and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. If you choose to respond, make sure it is from a place of understanding and that your response reflects you as the bigger person while being detached enough to protect yourself from future hurt.
Should I Text A Guy That Ghosted Me?
If you are considering messaging someone who has ghosted you, make sure your approach is calm and reasonable. Ask them directly what happened and if they are OK. Be careful not to let them back in. It is important to use this time to move on, not to text to pick things up where you left off.
What To Text When He Ghosts You?
If a guy ghosts you, it is important to remember that this has nothing to do with your worth as an individual. Sending a message of understanding is a great way to come across as the bigger person and provide yourself with closure.
Do Guys Come Back After Ghosting?
It is entirely possible that a guy may come back after ghosting. It is important to remember, however, that if they have done it once, then they may do it again.
If a guy comes running back, learn from it. Take note of all his red flags and bring this knowledge into the future, helping you in Finding The One.
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