He was Better in Messaging than in Person…

Just a few days ago someone asked me for some advice.  She has been using a dating app and had been chatting to a guy who seemed lovely.  They messaged for a few weeks and got on really well. But when they met in person they just didn’t click in the same way. She asked if she should give him another chance with a second date.  Here’s my response:

It sounds as though you are encountering a common problem faced by many who venture into the world of online dating. We all know that messages and chats can only provide so much information and context, and that actually meeting someone in person can often bring to light aspects of their personality that are simply not conveyed through a screen. Often in good ways that messaging could never have got across but sometimes not so good too.

In your case, it seems that the spark you felt while chatting with this person was not quite as bright in person. This can be disappointing, of course, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that the connection is lost forever. It may simply be a matter of needing more time to get to know each other, or of discovering that the two of you have different interests or values that make a deeper relationship more challenging.

Maybe he was a little nervous.  Nearly all first dates are a bit daunting! Maybe he’s more expressive in writing and takes a little longer to come out of his shell.

When it comes to deciding whether to give someone a second chance, it’s important to consider both your gut instincts and your rational thoughts. On one hand, it’s possible that the disappointment you felt was simply due to first-date jitters or other external factors that you can overcome. On the other hand, if you felt truly uncomfortable or uninterested in the person, it might not be worth pursuing the relationship further.

It’s also worth considering whether you are willing to put in the effort to make a relationship work. Relationships can be wonderful things, but they also require effort and compromise from both partners. If you feel that this person is worth pursuing, it may be worth having a frank conversation with them about what you both want from the relationship and how you can work together to make it happen.

In the end, only you can determine whether giving someone a second chance is the right decision for you. If you are unsure, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a trusted friend who can provide a fresh perspective and help you navigate this complex situation. After all, they know you well and might be able to filter out any self-destruct mechanisms you have in place.

It’s also important to remember that relationships take time to develop. Sometimes, it takes more than one meeting for the chemistry to develop.  A second date is a small time investment that may prove it’s worth in gold.  If you still don’t think it’s going to work, well you can’t say you didn’t try.

Regardless of what you decide, remember that you are in control of your own happiness, and that it is never too late to find someone who truly clicks with you. Take your time, be patient, and trust that the right person is out there waiting for you.

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