Help! I’m an Eternal Singleton

Have you been single for what feels like an eternity? Perhaps even a few years?

Being single for an extended period of time can be extremely frustrating, especially when you’re actively seeking a romantic relationship. It can be easy to feel like you’re doing something wrong and that you’re never going to find the right person. So let’s explore some possible reasons why you might be having trouble finding the right person and offer some tips for how to change your approach.

The most commons reasons you might be struggling can likely be grouped as follows:

  1. Unrealistic expectations: It’s important to be honest with yourself about what you’re looking for in a partner. If your standards are too high or you’re expecting perfection, you’re likely to be disappointed. Try to be more realistic and open-minded about what you’re looking for in a partner. We all have flaws and sometimes you might be letting some small imperfections in the other person get to you too much. 
  2. Not putting yourself out there enough: If you’re not actively seeking out new opportunities to meet people, you’re not going to find someone. Try to get involved in new activities, attend events, and join clubs or groups to meet new people. You won’t meet people if you stay home!
  3. Not being yourself: When you’re on a date, it’s important to be yourself. If you’re trying too hard to impress someone or pretending to be someone you’re not, you’re not going to find the right person. Be confident, be yourself, and let your personality shine through.
  4. Not being open to different types of people: If you’re only looking for partners who fit a specific mold or have specific qualities, you’re limiting your chances of finding the right person. Try to be more open-minded and consider people from different backgrounds, with different interests and personalities. Being too picky could likely be holding you back and perhaps give it a few dates before you make any important decisions based on this.
  5. If you’ve been single for a long time, it’s possible that you’ve developed certain habits or patterns that are making it difficult for you to form a relationship. For example, if you find yourself consistently choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable or who treat you poorly, it might be worth exploring why that is and working on making different choices. You can work with a therapist or counsellor to identify and change these patterns.
  6. Don’t make too many decisions about someone before you’ve even met them!  Yes, messaging can be important to weed out some deal-breaker issues but ultimately you’re falling for someone’s keyboard skills. Finding a long-term partner is one of the most life-changing moments of your life.  Invest time and energy.

Now that we’ve considered some potential reasons for your single status, let’s talk about what you can do to change it. Here are a few tips that can help:

  1. Get clear on what you want: Take some time to think about what’s important to you in a relationship. What qualities do you value in a partner? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have? When you have a clear idea of what you’re looking for, you’re more likely to attract the right person.
  2. Be proactive: Don’t wait for the right person to come to you. Put yourself out there, join clubs and groups, attend events, and take advantage of online dating opportunities.
  3. Be yourself: Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Be confident and let your personality shine through. When you’re yourself, you’re more likely to attract someone who is a good match for you.
  4. Keep an open mind: Don’t dismiss someone because they don’t fit your ideal mold. Be open to people from different backgrounds and with different interests. You never know, the person you’re looking for could be someone you never would have considered otherwise.
  5. Take things slow: When you start dating someone new, it’s important to take things slow. Don’t try to rush into a relationship or make things more serious than they are. Give yourself and the other person time to get to know each other and see if there’s a connection.

I hope these tips are helpful in finding the right person for you.

One final bit of advice … if you look for the bad in someone, that’s all you’ll find.  Always look for the positive.  It sounds simple but it’s a philosophy that is important in all aspects of life and we are not always the best at doing this.

Remember, it takes time to find the right person and moulding this into a long term relationship, but don’t give up. Keep putting yourself out there and be open to new opportunities and experiences. Good luck!

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